The 3 months I was not working out I was so depressed. Everything just seemed so dark, I thought I had nobody to turn to and the pressures of everyday life was really weighing on me. I never understood how someone could take their own life but for a moment I began to understand. But instead of hurting myself, I thought of my 4 reasons to live and just because I couldn't deal with the overwhelming feeling of drowning and not having any support I had to continue. I have never felt this depressed in my life! As I am sitting here typing this I am fighting back the tears as the details of that day are replaying in my head. I have never told anyone other than my Husband. I found a Support group for Police Officer Wives and I slowly began to crawl out, I have found some great support and sisters through them. Just having someone to talk to and understand everything I am going through has been amazing. I'm not 100% but I am 70%.
The reason I brought this up is because while I was working out I always felt great! I found myself being able to deal with stressful situations better, the overwhelming feeling was never around and if I felt any stress I knew as soon as I started sweating I would release every bit of it. I don't know why it has taken me 3 months to come to this realization but I'm glad I have.
So the Quest of the Chunky Mommy is back on! This time NOT ONE DAMN EXCUSE! One of my best friends and I have started this 30 day challenge so if you want to join feel free. It has turned itself into, 100 squats, 200 butt lifts, 200 crunches and 10 push ups a day. Yes you read that right 10 push ups lol. I'm also going to stop using the treadmill having convulsions as an excuse. Even though it is colder than crap outside I have decided since it wouldn't be a very good workout walking around town with all 3 girls I am going to take them to the cemetery and let them ride their bikes while I walk. I also have a step counter on my phone and I am going to try my hardest to get as close to 10,000 steps a day. I have to sit all day now since I am working on a website so I have decided every hour I will get up and walk for 5 minutes. I also need to do this because I have been having a lot of issues with my eyes and tail bone from sitting and staring at a computer so long.
So starting today I am weighing in at 224 lbs. That is a 10lbs weight loss since the beginning.