Tough Road

  Well, I pretty much feel like a failure (As Always). I was so sick the past few weeks and have done nothing to try and lose this weight. I have been eating healthier, trying to make better decisions. I'm just so sick of saying and not doing everything I want to do. I have zero motivation to do. I always get this big burst of I'm going to, to do nothing but sit my butt on the couch and watch the next episode of Greys, or VPD. Really! I am so disappointed in the level of self-respect I have for myself. I have got to do something to make this better. I am in no way OK with looking this way. I have to do something!

It's the only body you will ever have... so take care of it!

I so cannot wait to be able to wear outfits like this in the summer. I have not worn a sleeveless shirt in over a decade. I have not worn a pair of shorts in public in over 15 years. I have always felt ashamed of my body in clothes like this. I feel so much more comfy in cold weather clothes.

Summer time Blues

  Well here it is spring time again and summer is just around the corner. Well unlike most people, I hate it! I prefer cold weather where I can cover myself up and feel comfortable. Summer brings bathing suits and shorts and cute outfits you see all the size 11 and under women being able to wear and wishing for once you could again.

   Well the worst thing has finally happened to me, we went to an amusement park and I almost was not able to ride a ride with my 4 year old daughter. Luckily the main thing was my breasts are way too big for me to be able to see over to be able to click the seatbelt, but I had that thing pulled to the very end. I have always told myself, I would never let myself get to the point of not being able to ride rides but I almost have. I refuse to let this continue. Then again I say this all the time and never do anything to help it.

I look in the mirror and I see myself and I do not hate what I see. I am big but I think I look OK. Then again I realize I am 5'1" and I weigh 230lbs. Wow it hurts a lot to write that and to let the world know how I have miss used my body. I wear a size 18 pants and 2x shirts. OK now that all my dirty laundry has been aired here is a warning. Do not think you will get on here and read the polite truth. No this is intended to be the dirty little secrets, the let it all out blog. I know I am fat people. So if you want to write rude comments feel free its cool, but guess who has the deleting abilities, so will it really do you any good? Then again, I do love your mamma's so fat jokes so let them ring.

OK so about me. I am a wife to an amazing Husband/ father/ex-military/Police Officer. He has my whole heart. I have 3 daughters 8, 7, and 5. So I have not always been big but I have always been chunky. It seems I went from wearing a size 8 when I was little, straight to a 13/14 by the age of 14. So I have never been a size 0. I have been in a size 18 since 7 years ago after having my first daughter.

  Now my everyday life, I hate exercising, so this is the reason why I am this way. This is my number one goal to fix. However, I love physical work. I work at a used tractor parts dealership that is family owned. I lift 100 lbs or more at a time all day. I walk a lot during the day looking for parts as well. So it's not like I sit on my rear all day long. I do not eat breakfast hardly ever, and I have started to make myself eat lunch. I come home and will eat dinner around 8 (I know) but I don't eat a lot. However, I love the fast food. Not really love, but I love the easiness of it. I drink pop and hardly ever touch water. I am horrible.

Looking this way is nobody’s fault but mine. So feel free to share things that have worked for you. I can use all the help I can get.