Pretty Little Liars

I did it again, I ran! This time at a speed of 5.0, I was going to do a long walk, but that changed. I started off at 2.5, and within 5 minutes I found myself running. I would run for a minute and walked to two, I had sweat pouring off me. I was excited to run because I could watch an episode of Pretty Little Liars; I would say I'm addicted. I also like it because it’s one of those shows that keep my focus while running.

Today, when I got home from work,  Jason had the front yard looking great. We spent most of the day outside. The girls and I planted the Mums I had bought the other day; I can't wait to get more. Fall is my favorite time of year and I love Mums! Tomorrow I am getting my house together, I have neglected it way to long. I have decided I am going to pack up anything I do not use every day and take it to storage until we can move to a bigger house.

What do you like to do while exercising on the treadmill? Do you like to listen to music, watch a movie, read, etc.?

Have a great night!

Danger Zone

Sorry I have been absent for a few days, I had to get a website done and ready by yesterday, so I didn't have a lot of time for anything else. I stayed on my eating plan and did very well. I went to the doctor just to get checked up and tell him about my diet plan and make sure everything sounded good. He said everything seems very well and the diet plan I am on seems like a good one.

I had a rough past two days, it has been an emotional roller coaster. I really don't want to get into specifics due to I don't know who might read this, but it was horrible. Something Jason and I have been trying to avoid for awhile and have worked so hard for it not to happen, then it did. We will pull through, no big deal. The biggest down fall, I have noticed I am trying to fall back into my old ways of not eating, I use to never eat breakfast or lunch and I have found myself trying to do that again, so I have been trying my hardest to make myself eat (even though I really do not want to).

Due to the unforeseen circumstances that took place, I got almost no sleep the night before last. I remember almost every detail of sleeping, it started off like this, Here I am fast asleep curled up on my side sleeping like a baby. Then out of nowhere, as if someone put a speaker up to my ear with it being turned all the way up... "Highway to the Danger Zone, Ride into the Danger Zone......." then I feel like I wake up, I turn the music down in my HEAD and drift off again. "I could lift you up, I could show you what you want to see and take you where you wanna be....." err at this point I'm getting angry, fall back asleep and "Highway to the Danger Zone, Ride into the Danger Zone..." This is just samples, oh yes my special jukebox in my head played the two songs all the way through every time. They repeated all night long. In the middle there, somewhere, Jasmine came in and woke me up telling me the house was haunted because the soap in the bathtub fell.


I went to work and during, I cried at least 5 times it was hard trying to hide it from everyone. So I told myself when I get home I am running. I had to go to the police department to present the website but ended up leaving because we had to be at open house for all three girls. I hope this is going to be a good school year for all of them.

Came home and made a Portobello beefy melt, you can find the recipe here

 

I ate, got the girls in bed, and started watching the movie "Upside Down" it is pretty good so far. Watched 15 minute of that and hopped on the Mill. I walked 10 min at 3.0 and then ran every other minute after at 4.5. I completed my mile in 19.46 (NICE) but I RAN!!!!!!!! This is totally awesome!!

I totally did it in my Oscar Mayer Weiner Pants :) and I have a huge head, sorry.

So keep up the good work friends.

New Shoes

Well I put the shoes to the test, at first it was awesome, and I was able to start off at 2.7 and then very shortly after bumped up to 3.0. The shoes really made me feel like I could walk easier and were very comfy. However, come 10 minutes in my shins were screaming! I had my right shoe tide to tight and every time I stepped down it felt like it was pulling my shin. I went back down to 2.5 hoping it would go away and it did release a little so then I went back to 3.0. Around 17 minutes I had to go back and stay at 2.5, I only did 1 mile. I felt awesome I could have went longer but with how bad my shins were hurting I didn’t want to get shin splints so I made myself quit. Tomorrow is my 2 miler, I hope I can make it without them hurting like they did tonight. I really do love the shoes though, just need to break them in.

I made an awesome dinner tonight you can find the recipe here. I call it Apple Chop Delight and its only 301 Calories. Well sorry for the short post, I'm going to snuggle with my love... Night everyone!

I do this for my Daughter's

I said I would tell you all the main reason I started this journey a while ago, well here it is.

My daughter Joslynn is starting to get a little on the plump side (I would never say this to her). My daughters have only had me to look up to and the other women in their lives... well we have all got some meat on us. They have only seen me and how I eat, they have only had the food I have given them, and they have only had the drinks I have laid in front of them.

On July 9th, I made chicken stir fry. It was storming that day and when Jason got home he told me to step outside and look at the sky, Jason, Jasmine, Jaelynn and I all went out front to look. I turned to ask a question and I notice Joslynn wasn't there, I walked back into the house and she was standing in front of the bowl of the extra rice and had a huge hand full and piling it in her mouth. I always let her eat everyone's leftovers if she wanted and never said anything, I wasn't worried about it.

That was the day that woke me up! Why would I let my daughter eat like this? How could I let this happen? I have made my daughter’s life worse and she may have an eating disorder at the age of 7 and its all due to me. So these last three weeks I have been changing our eating habits, I am so happy I have seen the light, I am so happy that maybe by me changing my life and showing I care about myself that it might help them want to be healthy also. I love my daughters and would never tell them they are "FAT" or anything. I would never tell them they need to not eat something because it will make then gain weight!

I do not believe she has a full blown eating disorder and I do believe I caught it in time, the biggest reason I am concerned for all of them is I started my women hood at 9,yes that is right 9! I believe Joslynn is beginning her process, and I do believe that is the cause of her being hungrier and gaining more weight. I just feel so bad I have let myself go and my girls have been looking up to me this whole time and have seen me doing nothing to better myself.

 I have notice changes in this past month, I've noticed they want to eat the healthier stuff and haven't been wanting junk food, they have been happier, and more energetic, instead of asking for juice or other unhealthy drinks they want water, they have adjusted very well to the new eating habits. I am so proud of them for how well they have adjusted because I know after years of them being able to eat whatever they want it has to be hard on them, but they have acted like it is no big deal. I do cook something on the side for them every now and then, mac-n-cheese etc. you know the kids favorites.

So in writing this (which is a very hard thing to do) I seen a blog post that has helped me very much and I love every single bit of it! "How to talk to your daughter about her weight" I love everything in this. I can't wait to see the changes in the whole family as we go on this journey together. I just hope they don't have to struggle through life the way I have, I hope them seeing me make a change will guide them in the right direction.

What made/ or makes you want to change your life to better it?

Kings Island

Yesterday we woke up ready for Kings Island; the kids were ready to leave as soon as they got us up. I wanted to make a good breakfast that way they would hold off on being hungry until noon, they was so mad we had to wait around (they aren't use to me eating breakfast) so instead of the old normal me giving them a bowl of cereal, pop tart, whatever to make it fast so we could leave. I made eggs on an English muffin.

              Eggs, Ranch dressing, Chives, and Whole Wheat English Muffin, topped with Swiss cheese.

 We had to go to the car dealership and get another set of keys for the Van. It was raining so once we got done with that we decided to go over to the Mall across the street and see if any of the stores had good deals going for shoes. Sears had a pretty good deal, buy one get one 50% off but I am a Wal-Mart gal, I can’t bring myself to buy shoes that are $20.00 or above (I know, if I want a good pair I have to pay for them) I just have so much guilt buying things for myself when we are so tight on money. After looking and not finding anything we went over to some other stores which ended up being more failures, searching store after store I gave up.

These are my old shoes; I am such a tightwad, look at these shoes. I got these on clearance 3 years ago for $30.00 and I believe I have gotten my money worth lol. That is ridiculous. (Yes, that is my finger sticking through those hole).

The new pair Dr. Scholl’s, they felt so comfy when I tried them on, I just hope they are while walking a long distance, I'll find out tonight.

It was starting to clear up so we decided to head on to Kings Island and have a fun day. It was almost noon, so we decided to stop at Frisch's and grab a bite before going (I did NOT want to go in that park while being hungry). I ordered the soup and salad bar; I had a half cup of veggie soup and a salad, very lite and refreshing. We get to the park and there is almost nobody there (maybe 20 rows halfway field up) so even though I knew I could have parked really close I parked about 250 to 300 yards to entrance.

We decided to rent a stroller to make it a little easier on Jaelynn,  as well as having something to put the umbrellas in (we have been stuck in the rain here way to many times) and not have to lug around 2 heavy backpacks all day. Turns out it made it easier on all three of them lol.

Jasmine looks so amused lol.

OK, so we set out to have a fun field day but deep down for me I was a nervous wreck. On June 20, 2013 the carnival was in town , Jasmine, Joslynn and their little friends Maxine (Max) and Pippa all went to get on a ride and the guy let Jaeynn on as well and she was not tall enough! Jodi (Pippa and Max's mom) and I were walking behind the kids and we told them all to get on the spinning apples and instead they all ran onto the starship (you can Google a photo of it) Jason and Ryan (Pippa & Max's dad) were with the girls (me and Jodi were gossiping a ways behind) but they didn’t realize Jaelynn was to short so they never said anything, the guy never measured her or anything. Jodi and I make it to the guys and find out the girls got on the ride, I was nervous for Jaelynn but the ride had been going for about a minute and so far everything was good.

I relaxed a little and as soon as I did the doors opened and every single person came off the ride screaming and crying ,children and adults (it was like the Walking Dead was unleashed and everyone was running from Zombies!) Next thing I know Pippa comes up to me and is crying and screaming its baby Jae, its baby Jae!!!!! My heart dropped, I screamed for Jason, he and Ryan were already on the ride. I was running around trying to find help, I could hear Jason and Ryan yelling "get it the F@!#$ off of her." then "MOVE!" then a big boom and I finally gave up and went to run on the ride but I froze! I was so scared of what I might see, I was scared that might have been the last time I would have ever seen my baby. Next thing I know I see Jason running off the ride with Jaelynn in his arms, He ran her to the medical tent and it turned out it was her leg, she had gotten it stuck in between the seat on the ride and as the ride was going it was going up and down on her leg the whole time (some girls found me and told me it happened a few seconds after the ride started and they couldn’t get the ride conductor to stop) she sat on that ride for over a minute with it jamming her leg between the rollers and plastic. (On the ride the seats go up and down) We took her to the hospital and by the grace of God she had no broken bones. Even the carnival workers couldn’t believe it, one guy told me between the seat is rollers, plastic, wood then metal and he doesn’t know how she still had her leg much less it not getting broken. 

Then of course I had everyone telling me to sue them... First, the way I see it is, my baby is still here and that is all that matters. Second, she walked away with a bruise and now a hematoma. Third, I would feel like I am chancing fate or I am very ungrateful, if she was badly hurt then maybe but I believe in Karma and I think she would look down on me for that. 

She is such a tough girl, they gave us free tickets for the next day and Jason was on duty working the carnival so we went, she didn’t ride rides but she did the fun house. I was proud of her for even going back, I was scared that would make her scared of carnivals but it didn’t.

This was 1 month after the accident. 

This was today, It's still there and she has an indentation like in the top photos. I also have noticed when she is sitting or sleeping in a weird way like on her knees her leg will turn pail blue, so I am taking her to the doctor again to make sure her nerves were not hurt.

OK back to our day...

We set out for planet snoopy; they started off riding the swings. I was so proud of Jaelynn it was like she forgot all about her accident and she jumped right on every ride (me not so much lol). Jasmine and Joslynn are big enough to ride bigger rides so Jason told me to take them and he would ride rides with Jaelynn. When I walked into the park I felt so good about myself, I knew how hard I have been working and I just felt like everyone else did too (they didn’t). Off to the beast we went, Jasmine loves this ride and it was my first time riding with her. Joslynn didn’t want to ride so she had to sit in the cage. The whole ride I was having a panic attack I think, in the end all was well, we ended up riding the stunt car racers, adventure express, and Jasmine and I rode the drop tower.

She is fearless!

When we got on the ride I almost couldn’t get it buckled, I could see people’s faces as they stared at me. Their faces were horrible, they was looking at me like I was a plague or with sympathy but with disgust at the same time. I can only imagine what they were thinking, I was horrified. There was no way I was getting off that ride so I pushed one last time and it buckled, all I wanted to do was run off the ride and cry. All these people were thinking "why would she let herself get like that," not knowing I am finally working my ass off to get rid of it. IF ONLY THEY KNEW! I don't think I ever really noticed the looks before because I was in denial myself, now that I'm not I seen every single stare.

Jason and Jasmine ended up going to ride the Beast one last time, so Joslynn, Jaelynn and I all went to planet snoopy again. Joslynn wanted to ride the train so that's what we did.

They go around and I'm waiting on them to get off then next thing I know the ambulance is driving by then stops at the ride. I dropped everything and ran over there all my worse fears were coming back full force, I seen a little kid on the ground but I couldn't see who it was. Then I felt Joslynn touch my arm and say "Mommy, that little boy tripped and hit his eye when he got off the ride." So I collected myself so they didn't get upset and off we went. (the little boy was OK just had a little scrape, thank god.)

Around 5:30 we decided we had enough, we stopped and got some salads from McDonalds and then went to Wal-Mart to get me some shoes (I will let you know how I like them tonight). I got so sun burnt it is crazy! All in all even with my own unpleasant feeling of self-consciousness kicking in we had an awesome family day, we have been trying to get to KI for two months now, but with Jaelynns accident and Jason working everyday we haven't been able to and I kinda haven't wanted to because I was scared after her accident to let her on another ride. So today she and I over came fears I believe, although I think I was really the only one scared. ;) I feel I did good with my food intake and am glad I stuck to my plains instead of letting Junk food take over me. 

I hope all of you have had a great weekend, keep up the good work!

Sorry for the long and downer post.