It's a new Day!

I first thought I was going to start this blog entry off with how disappointed I am in myself and how ashamed I am and call myself every name in the book, but I decided instead of doing that I'm going to tell myself how it is OK that I failed and instead of sitting and moping over it just continue. I wanted to tell myself I am worthy of a beautiful body and feeling healthy, I am worthy of being happy and strong. I have over come so many obstacles in the past year that as losing this weight is going to be hard and take a lot of time I can do it.. I can be all that I have set out to be! I quit smoking over a year ago I remember the date but I am so over it that I could care less when I did I just know that I DID, I have not had a soda in 7 months, I lost 20 pounds (so I know it is possible) and I was in my first 5K! Even though I have not lost the weight I wanted to I have made myself healthier so I can now focus on it more.

The 3 months I was not working out I was so depressed. Everything just seemed so dark, I thought I had nobody to turn to and the pressures of everyday life was really weighing on me. I never understood how someone could take their own life but for a moment I began to understand. But instead of hurting myself, I thought of my 4 reasons to live and just because I couldn't deal with the overwhelming feeling of drowning and not having any support I had to continue. I have never felt this depressed in my life! As I am sitting here typing this I am fighting back the tears as the details of that day are replaying in my head. I have never told anyone other than my Husband. I found a Support group for Police Officer Wives and I slowly began to crawl out, I have found some great support and sisters through them. Just having someone to talk to and understand everything I am going through has been amazing. I'm not 100% but I am 70%.

The reason I brought this up is because while I was working out I always felt great! I found myself being able to deal with stressful situations better, the overwhelming feeling was never around and if I felt any stress I knew as soon as I started sweating I would release every bit of it. I don't know why it has taken me 3 months to come to this realization but I'm glad I have.

So the Quest of the Chunky Mommy is back on! This time NOT ONE DAMN EXCUSE! One of my best friends and I have started this 30 day challenge so if you want to join feel free. It has turned itself into, 100 squats, 200 butt lifts, 200 crunches and 10 push ups a day. Yes you read that right 10 push ups lol. I'm also going to stop using the treadmill having convulsions as an excuse. Even though it is colder than crap outside I have decided since it wouldn't be a very good workout walking around town with all 3 girls I am going to take them to the cemetery and let them ride their bikes while I walk. I also have a step counter on my phone and I am going to try my hardest to get as close to 10,000 steps a day. I have to sit all day now since I am working on a website so I have decided every hour I will get up and walk for 5 minutes. I also need to do this because I have been having a lot of issues with my eyes and tail bone from sitting and staring at a computer so long.

So starting today I am weighing in at 224 lbs. That is a 10lbs weight loss since the beginning.